Personal: Big Step

I've been contemplating whether to move out or not. I always felt that I'm not ready (enough) because of the capital I have. I don't think anyone else would call that capital since it's just my own savings. Surprisingly, I'm amazed at how much I managed to save last month despite spending quite a bit. I digress. 

R has been bugging me to move out into a legitimate space for my tuition classes for the longest time and I have neither the guts nor the balls to do so. I'm a pessimist. I always think of how I will fail before I even try. I blame this on my traumatising childhood which was filled with failures though mostly not my own. 

But I admit they scarred me

R and I have also talked about what was going to happen if he really goes to the States to further his studies and get an MBA in maybe 1 or 1.5 years' time. I think I would like to tag along, I really hated the LDR we had when he went for NOC in 2012. Though it became easier nearing the end, it was really tough at first. I don't think I'm ready to handle another 2 years apart. 

The only way out is for me to make this into a business, a successful and self-running one so I can pass on to someone I trust before heading to the US with him. By then, I would be probably taking makeup and hairstyling courses, enjoying life, blogging and maybe learning new dishes (to be a housewife) when I'm there. 

Should I move out?

I've been looking at commercialguru almost everyday but nothing good comes up at all. It's always the same few units that are asking for ridiculous exorbitant rent or even demanding a takeover fee which I obviously don't have. Then, there's the brief talk with R's friend who has a relative also in this line saying how much they had to put in as capital (>100K) but the business being a money printing machine now. Motivating? I don't know. 

I don't want to just be a business owner. I love the teaching but I'm afraid there are some  things that i have to sacrifice along the way to get to where R wants me to be? Or maybe where I want myself to be in the future?

I have been working 7 days week since July and though it sounds crazy, I'm actually ok with it. Occasionally, I may complain about it but I'm enjoying the work for the most part. Some of my classes are filled with laughters which make me very very very very happy. Of course, there are some naughty ones who will make it angry and lose hope at times. Nothing is perfect.

Will I become busier than this if it really becomes a real thing, not that it's not real now....

I'm so afraid of the responsibilities, the monetary burden that I have to tank, the unknown and unforeseen problems that I might face. How am I going to handle them? How am I going to solve them? 

Oh gosh!

I'm just a hum ji.

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On a side note, it was really comforting to hear from my students that they think the examinations were easy. Will be seeing some of them next year :))