LDR

Long Distance Relationship

(pictures from AWESOME Pinterest ^^)

Do you think LDR lasts? Some say yes, some say no. There's really a lot to think about when you decide to commit to a LDR. I guess the most number of LDR (as in the number of cases if LDR) happens during university. Many of my friends had to go through LDR due to exchange, NOC or whatsoever, myself included. 

Mine just passed it's half way mark not long ago. Another 3-4 months before we can meet again. I took quite a long time to adjust to life without him physically. I was extremely dependent on R before he left. He was my bf yang, chef yang, chauffeur yang, guardian angel yang, blah blah, you name it, we have it. 

When he told me his NOC was confirmed, I was sad, disappointed, excited and happy...all sorts of feelings. Mixed feelings. 

We had our ups and downs when we were together in SG but LDR is a whole different story. There's the time difference, work, school, tuition, new environment, new friends.....It's hard to maintain, I'm not kidding. But, I looked at how far we've came and all the memories we had....I try harder. He tries hard too. 

You might say that we are still together because we were together for quite long before we got separated by distance. But, I do have some friends whose relationships did not last through LDR and their relationships were longer than mine. When R left, we were only together for 2 years plus, it's not that long as well. 

Do you think the above is true? I guess I would only agree with some parts. I definitely don't think it's better than normal relationships. But hearing the voice did matter a lot. That's the only thing that is still close to you. I'm lucky there's Skype now, otherwise I'll die working to pay my phone bills. I did get to know more about R. Little things add to become a lot. It really sucks not to be able to hold and kiss but it definitely makes you cherish the time you have together more when you meet. 

I get asked by some of my friends how R and I maintain out rship. Some of them were puzzled why we were still together given that we quarreled so much (literally everyday) initially. I'm sure everyone argues. Especially when both of them are not physically together, there are so many things that are different for each other. You tend to question more. But both of us held on to each other. I don't know about him but I believe we can make it and I really want to be with him. One of my friend is facing a critical moment now and I really don't know how to help her. She asks if it is harder to be the one leaving or the one left behind. I immediately replied the one who's left behind. Obviously, I'm the one who has been left behind. But, I gave it some thoughts while driving today and realised it's actually the same. Let me tell you why...

The One Who's Left Behind

You have to bear the pain of sending the person off. It's really very hard and heart-wrenching to watch the back of your lover slowly disappear. Then, you have to worry if the plane has safely touched down. After that, there's all the things in the world that you have to worry like if he's adapting well, if he's having trouble etc etc. Of course, every other corners that you pass by would have some memories of you and him when you go out or even when you're home. For me, it's like in movie, the moments really came flashing in front of me. They're happy memories but when you see them and look beside you, you'll feel very lonely. Whenever I flipped to my side at night, I'd feel like stretching my hands over to hug him but it's always thin air. When I drive my car, I would always look to my left as if he's sitting there smiling at me. When I do my makeup, I would look at the reflection in the mirror and I'll see him sitting on my bed making funny faces at me. When I study at libraries or wherever, I'll look in front and see him studying with me. Little pieces of memories......

The One Who Left

He's alone in a whole new country. He has to make new friends, find place to stay, cook and clean by himself. He has no families with him and he feels very lonely as well. He has to work, study and manage his startup all at the same time. He has to manage his own finances which he has never tried before. Now, he has to pay for bills and this and that. He feels the same as me, he wants to hug me but he can't, he wants to kiss me but he can't. We only have Skype. At this point, I really wished that the kissing thing that was invented in The Big Bang Theory was a real one. HAHAHA 

So, it's actually equally hard on both sides. But before you make any decision to jump into one or leave one, think it through. 

So, how do we communicate with each other given the busy schedules both of us have. For me, I'm still studying full-time at NUS, I have 7 tutees now and I am currently trying to build my networks for my makeup business. 

For R, he's working at Guidewire in the day, studying at Stanford in the night, working on his new business and he also needs to do housechores.

We Skype! But how? He's 15 hours behind me! 

At first, we talked to each other when we skype but nowadays we just leave the skype on and spy on each other. I'm kidding! haha. Because i'll be in lectures when he's free, so I'll just leave the skype on during lectures and once in a while I'll look at him and he'll always make funny faces at me to make me laugh. Some of you might say that this is lame or stupid or whatever, but if we don't even try to do this, by the time I reach home or when I'm free, he'd be asleep. Isn't that worse? 

If you're always counting down to the day he returns, it's going to be painful and it'll seem so super slow. Just let things flow. Make sure you guys try to skype at least 3-4 times a week, even if it's just looking at each other but doing your own things. 

This is something I'm still learning.

Basically, just try to give in at times, try to see from his POV, don't give up so easily, make it a point to send a few mushy texts once in a while (I emphasize, once in a while). Sending too many will just set a standard for yourself to keep but who can do that forever? Do everything in moderation. 

But without Love, oxygen might not be enough as well. 

If you are in a LDR, good luck to you, jiayou. And if you really love him/her, always believe in yourself that together you guys can overcome the obstacles. If you are going to go into a LDR, don't be too sad over it. Cherish the remaining time together. Do things that both of you love. I would suggest a Food Hunt in SG since the first thing you'll miss when you're overseas is definitely the food, then family, then bf/gf. At least that's the impression I got. HAHA! My bf is a glutton!

I don't know if you'll see this in time, but before you make any decision, think it through. Is it worth it? Do you think you can ta han longer? Do you think that's the only option? Make whatever decision that'll make you happier not only in the short run but in the future as well. Don't make decisions that you'll regret. Some things and some people only come once in your life. Choose wisely. 

I hope you really know what you want and who you want to be with. 

(you should know who you are right...)

 Lastly, I wear his clothes whenever I miss him too much. It makes me feel so much closer to him. :)