Transition

What I want to do V.S. What is in my best interests

I'm in my last semester already and will soon graduate from NUS. But one thing that has been making me very worried is the life that I'm going to have after uni. I took a 90% Tuition Fee Loan from OCBC when I was in Year 1 and by the time I graduate the interests fee will kick in. It will be according to the market rate at the point of my graduation which means I would not know what is it yet. 

One thing I'm sure is that my 90% loan will be about S$20K ++ which I 100% do not have the cash to pay in a lump sum. You would say that I've been teaching tuition for so long, why haven't I saved 

enough or maybe even some money to pay for it. Ok, just look at my archives, I'd been going overseas almost every single semesters and I have to support myself and what not. Little financial support from home. (which I'm quite proud of) Thus, I'm broke :(

But I want to do what I like when I graduate which is this:

Makeup and Hairstyling is my calling but because it is still in its infant stage, it's barely enough to make my ends meet currently. Luckily, I have tuitions to cover my expenses. Which I've been thinking to go into FT tuition (during weekdays) when i graduate. BUT BUT BUT I have been getting negative opinions and remarks regarding my decision, especially the older generation. 

Some have told me that it is best to get a proper job which gives you this:

But I have no interests to work in an office at all. Maybe I can go into teaching but after thinking through very thoroughly, if teaching is my first job, it'll be so hard for me to switch jobs if I ever want to. I mean for now, if I continue my makeup business and probably develop it into a proper registered business in the future, I would be seen as an entrepreneur, a boss. Right? Doesn't it sound better than being a teacher where most of the people outside deem your skills obsolete after a few years of teaching? 

In any case, their (old people) reason of having a proper job with CPF is so that I can use it to buy HDB in the future. Also, they've been advising me to get the house when I can still qualify for the grant. The mentality is like since it's given, why not take it? I'm not saying it's wrong to think this way. But can the CPF buy me the joy and sense of satisfaction I derive when I see my tutees performed remarkably in exams or when I see my clients feeling so happy and beautiful after I complete the makeup for them? The answer is NO. 

No doubt, CPF can be used to buy HDB, have medisave, medishield etc etc. But all my money would be stuck inside. I can't decide where my money can go to other than these few places. I've never really believed in the CPF system. It's forcing people to save money in a way but I can use the money for investments which can roll in more money where I can use to buy bigger houses and what not. Furthermore, you can only take a certain amount of money out when you're old. For goodness sake, that's my money! I can decide how much I want to use. 

True enough, you can earn that 20% or so (can't remember the exact amount) that your employer has to put in for you. To me, I don't think it's a lot. If I were to devote myself to a FT job where I can get decent pay with decent CPF contributions, I will never be able to do makeup. 

I'm seriously confused! Because of what I chose (tuition+makeup) to do when I graduate, I've not applied for any jobs, do up my resume/cover letter/CV, done any internships at all. All these things are supposed to be done like before this semester. HOW? Why must the reality of life be like this? Why must we be constrained by what is available and what is the norm? 

Should I be daring and venture out? Do what I want and not what is seem to be in my best interests (monetarily)? 

I have to admit that I haven't been very academically inclined ever since I entered university. It was probably because the "heart" is not there anymore. There's no motivation for me to score that A. It doesn't mean anything to me anymore. I used to be so hard on myself to get that freaking distinction. But now, even when I got C, I don't feel a thing. It doesn't matter anymore. BUT I am very very very happy now. I live my life to the fullest. I do things that I like. I feel so much less stressed with school work though at times I would still feel pressurized by all the projects and term papers deadlines. 

I'm definitely more happy than when I was in JC or when I was in Chemistry when I had to spend every single day studying and for god knows what reasons! Get into university? Get a better job? Get higher pay? 

But no happiness.

Some juniors actually came to talk to me regarding my transfer. I have to say I made a very risky and daring move when I tried my transfer. I dropped all my chemistry modules and was prepared to quit school. That was how determined I was. So, if you really don't like it at your faculty, be it the people, the content, you lost interest blah blah blah. Do it quickly. Don't wait. Don't allow yourself to regret what you did not dare to do. It's only studies. You will not die because you transfer but your heart will die studying something don't like. 

ok. I side tracked.

I'm just wondering if I have the same courage I had when I applied for my transfer.